The Road Once Taken
by Nyruserra
Summary: The road to hell is paved...Slight AS


_This is another fic writen for the STMythology community (see link on my profile page). That's two :counts: go me! _

_ My theme set is Greek/Roman, and this is written for the Golden Apple theme.  
_

**The Road Once Taken**

_(The Golden Apple)_

_February 29th, 2158 _

_Dear Hoshi,  
_

_I know you're not very happy with me at the moment, sweetheart, but I know we'll get through this. Just a quick trip out with the new warp seven engine, and I'll be home before you even have a chance to miss the way I always leave the bedroom in a mess in the mornings. _

_Just eight months, and I'll be back to continue driving you crazy in our new civilian life. No more missions, I promise. _

_… _

* * *

Dark, exotic wood gleamed richly in the otherwise regulation office. The desk of Brazilian wood had been an uncharacteristically sentimental gesture for Jonathan Archer, one that had caused his young wife to roll her eyes affectionately, but deep down, he knew she appreciated the assurance. Oil polished, the wood shone almost mahogany red in the late afternoon San Francisco sun, providing a warm, living connection in the chrome and polymer world of Starfleet. 

Somehow, Jonathan had never meant to end up behind a desk; had never even occurred to him since he joined more then twenty years ago, when being in an office meant to him mouldering away his retirement, when he was no longer able to fly. But he had found deep satisfaction teaching at the Academy, his life more prone to crisis of lost lecture notes and conflicting exam schedules then alien encounters, and Jonathan was extremely happy. Hoshi would probably say it was the first sign that he was growing up. Sometimes, he still wondered that he didn't miss his ship more, but it was a decision he wouldn't have reversed for anything.

Sitting here, Jonathan could almost close his eyes, and remember a time in the jungle when he'd convinced a brave young woman to follow him through the stars. He tried to hold onto that image, a balm for his rapidly fraying temper as Admiral Gardner's terse voice continued to argue with him over sub-space. His voice had grown steadily louder at Jonathan's continued resistance, until he it seemed he was shouting the distance between them.

"No, Admiral, I just can't do it. I'm sorry."

_"We need you our there, Jonathan. You're the only one who can represent the best of the Federation."_

He could feel his temper starting to snap. "Don't feed me that crock of bullshit, Gardner. You have more hot-shot captains bucking for ships commissioned right now then you know what to do with."

A pause. Jonathan could picture his friend sitting in his ready room aboard the new lunar space station, forcing himself to relax. When he spoke again, he was calmer, though there was a lot of tension still behind his voice.

_"Perhaps. But how about this Jon? You're the best man for the job. The Andorians trust you. Hell, even the Vulcan's have come to respect you, which is more then they do for anyone else on the planet. It's just sixteen months. Surely you haven't grown so many roots in the last seven months that you're ass is planted in the ground down there? What does that wife of yours think?"_

"You don't want me to repeat what she called you. The answer is no. We've both done our share for Starfleet, and now I intend to start enjoying my retirement."

_"You're not old enough to retire, Jon."_

The speaker box on his desk made Gardner's husky voice distort slightly, giving the words unexpected inflections. Gold flashing winked back at him from the speaker grill as he glared at the unseen older man through the box. He had no desire to go back out, surprisingly. This was not answering any hidden yearnings in his soul, too guilty to be acknowledged; he wanted to go home to his new wife, and thoroughly lose himself in her, and maybe think of resurfacing sometime next week.

Hoshi had been unusually attentive lately, actions born of some adorable inner giddiness rather then manipulative machinations, and he had a sneaking suspicion he knew what it was she told him she wanted to discuss with him tonight. She wanted to start a family. The idea awed him, and yet filled him with this nervous excitement that he hadn't felt since that agonizing week when the Brass tried to decide who was going to fly his father's ship.

In the end, though, Jonathan knew Gardner was _right_, damn it, and he hated himself for it. The fledgling Federation needed every show of bravado and confidence it could muster, and like it or not, he was the most visible symbol of that unity. If they were to fail now, it would be at something far more meaningful then just achieving warp five without the Vulcan's. It would be at a real chance of creating something amazing, for more then just humanity; but for an entire quadrant.

He argued until they agreed to cut the mission in half. Eight months out, spearheading Starfleet's new space-exploration policies, and he was through. He'd get to go back to teaching at the Academy, a job he found held its own excitement as he inspired and gently moulded the brash, raw cadets that came through his course. In some way, he felt he was never really leaving space, as each one of these far-too-young kids would be taking everything that he and his crew had ever learned, created, or just plain made up, out with them.

Breaking the news to Hoshi proved to be every bit as difficult as he expected. She'd made reservations at the Thai restaurant that he loved, worn a very flattering dress in his favourite colour, and Jonathan knew his suspicions about their discussion tonight were completely on the mark. His only hope was to break the news gently, before she managed to bring the conversation around — that way, at least it wouldn't come across that he was running away, but he knew the moment was ruined now as he watched her vibrant, glowing face dissolve at his words, and he cursed the Federation he'd helped create for the first time in his life.

He only hoped he would get the chance to repair the damage when he got back.

He'd be home soon, after all.

Wouldn't he?

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I actually may continue this - I had originally planned this as part of the first chapter of a piece set during the Romulan War, but I just don't have the time to write anything that epic at the moment :-( Maybe if I get time, I can simplify it...

Anyway, I decided to post this fragment, as I love the way it pits Jonathan's loyalty to Starfleet agaisnt his comitment to Hoshi; and the inevitable conclusion...


End file.
